Wow. The end is close. This is so exciting. And so heartbreaking. Who knew these feelings could all exist at the same time?
Celebrated the new year with a huge party and fireworks outside our house. Didn't hardly sleep (other HB was sawing logs, lucky!) and that affected me all week. But I look for the good because I am healthy and happy and I am giving it my all and I am a representative of Jesus Christ! For 2 more weeks I will have that privilege.
I see the people here and I feel so much love for them. I told HB that it is so hard, because I am leaving people I love here to go home to people I love. Its a lose lose, win win situation. Never been in this situation before. We actually have been talking a lot lately about my feelings and I told her yesterday, If the prophet or one of the apostles asked me to serve for the rest of my life, I would say yes. It would be so, almost impossibly, hard, but I would do it, because it would also be something beautiful. Then I paused, thought about it, and I told her, but then again, a prophet has told me that my mission is only 18 months. And that then I go home, and put in practice all that I learned and help others to do the same. They have commanded me to go home and someday get married. So I guess, even though it is so, almost impossibly, hard I will do it. I will go home. For it is what the Lord has asked me to do. I truly have learned that when we put His will first, everything will work out just fine.
Its funny the phrase you used for my long day coming home, ¨You will be worn out.¨ I am worn out! Already! But it is exactly what I wanted. I read at the beginning of my mission journal: I want to come a tired, exhausted missionary from giving it my all in the service of my Lord. I am doing just that! We could teach a lot of lessons this week and touch the lives of many people. This work is, truly, the most rewarding. There is nothing like it. I haven`t cried any tears yet for having to leave, but my heart is full of emotions.
I bore my testimony for the last time in Mexico as a missionary and felt the Spirit so strong! How the Lord has helped me grow spiritually these last 18 months. I am so proud of Him! I am so proud of me! It`s like Ammon says, I WILL BOAST OF MY GOD FOR IN HIS STRENGTH I CAN DO ALL THINGS.
I am trying to focus on being grateful. In my prayers, in my fasting, in my studies. I am a better person when I am grateful. I am more humble, I am more patient, I am more happy. I am a better me.
I know that I have 1000 blessings from God every day. It takes some training of your mind, but as you once told me, once you get the hang of it, it`s hard not to think of 2000 at once! We are so blessed. We know the plan of God! He knows and loves us.
There are so many people here that don´t know that. I have to keep working until my last moment and raise my voice to the people so that I don`t leave this country without them knowing that I know the Church of Jesus Christ has been restored through a Living Prophet and that through the Atonement of Christ we all CAN be saved. It`s up to us whether we are saved or not.
I love Christ. I love this gospel. I love you!
Stay strong and share the gospel with all. I love you!
PS super weird request, but, one of my days home can we eat coconut shrimp? haha. thanks!