For unto us a Son is given

I have never liked Christmas before now. It wasn't like I was Scrooge or the Grinch, wandering around hating Christmas. But I didn't enjoy the holiday as others seemed to or list it as one of my favorites. Perhaps this was because growing up with divorced parents, you rotate visitation on the Christmas holiday and traditions change. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge fan of the snow. Whatever it was, it didn't seem like Christmas was for me.

This year things are different, and I think that's because I'm finally recognizing the traditions that matter most to me and my family. More than that, I'm able to truly understand the miracle of the sweet baby boy Jesus, because I am preparing to have a sweet baby boy of my own.

I am now in my seventh month of pregnancy, the third trimester. We've kept it a fun secret until now but it's getting harder and harder to hide as our little boy grows. Jimmy and I wanted this baby with all of our hearts, and we are so excited and nervous and thankful and emotional about his upcoming arrival. We feel very blessed as we had tried for months to become pregnant and have had some pregnancy scares throughout this time. We feel God is with us and that He knows and loves us and our baby boy.

I now love the scripture more than ever, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." While my child will not hold the responsibility or majesty that my sweet Savior did, I contemplate Mary's sacrifice to bring Him into the world with more seriousness. I view Him coming into the world as a child as divine.

Have you seen the Christ Child video yet? If not, (or if so!) I invite you to watch it and experience the miracle and the gratitude and the emotions of the Reason for the Season. How I love that I have Jesus Christ as my Savior and Brother. And what an innocent, sweet, way to enter this world, as one of us.

The fact that I am having a baby boy has shaped and changed the way I view this gospel and my relationship with God, our Heavenly Father. For example: today during the Sacrament, I contemplated forgiveness and long suffering. How can the Lord be merciful enough to constantly forgive me of sins and be patient as I continue to learn, all the while still loving me?

The answer came softly and surely: because you are mine. 

I don't understand this completely yet. Perhaps I never will. But as I feel life move around in my own womb, I am humbled that God has given me a chance to try to understand.

I know I won't be a perfect mother. I'm terrified of having someone I love so much, someone I'm entrusted to take care of, learn all my mistakes and shortcomings. In fact, I felt very similarly right before my marriage. But I consider how empowering it has been for me to realize that my husband knows everything about me and still chooses to love me, and hopefully my child will too.

Something that I know is that I will love this child. No matter what he does, or chooses to be, I will love him. I have seen how much a child can hurt a mother with his or her choices. But I have also seen examples of amazing mothers that continue to love their children even after their hearts have been broken by them.

Thus God continues to love us, with long suffering and with patience. Thus He gives us forgiveness again and again and again. Because we are His. We might break his heart through our choices, we might cause Him pain and anguish through the decisions we make, but because we are His, the power of love will keep Him waiting and loving and forgiving us as long as He is able. He loves us the same whether we succeed or fail.

What a wonderful lesson. What an amazing blessing.

Merry Christmas from my growing family to you and yours,

Audrey