For unto us a Son is given

I have never liked Christmas before now. It wasn't like I was Scrooge or the Grinch, wandering around hating Christmas. But I didn't enjoy the holiday as others seemed to or list it as one of my favorites. Perhaps this was because growing up with divorced parents, you rotate visitation on the Christmas holiday and traditions change. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge fan of the snow. Whatever it was, it didn't seem like Christmas was for me.

This year things are different, and I think that's because I'm finally recognizing the traditions that matter most to me and my family. More than that, I'm able to truly understand the miracle of the sweet baby boy Jesus, because I am preparing to have a sweet baby boy of my own.

I am now in my seventh month of pregnancy, the third trimester. We've kept it a fun secret until now but it's getting harder and harder to hide as our little boy grows. Jimmy and I wanted this baby with all of our hearts, and we are so excited and nervous and thankful and emotional about his upcoming arrival. We feel very blessed as we had tried for months to become pregnant and have had some pregnancy scares throughout this time. We feel God is with us and that He knows and loves us and our baby boy.

I now love the scripture more than ever, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." While my child will not hold the responsibility or majesty that my sweet Savior did, I contemplate Mary's sacrifice to bring Him into the world with more seriousness. I view Him coming into the world as a child as divine.

Have you seen the Christ Child video yet? If not, (or if so!) I invite you to watch it and experience the miracle and the gratitude and the emotions of the Reason for the Season. How I love that I have Jesus Christ as my Savior and Brother. And what an innocent, sweet, way to enter this world, as one of us.

The fact that I am having a baby boy has shaped and changed the way I view this gospel and my relationship with God, our Heavenly Father. For example: today during the Sacrament, I contemplated forgiveness and long suffering. How can the Lord be merciful enough to constantly forgive me of sins and be patient as I continue to learn, all the while still loving me?

The answer came softly and surely: because you are mine. 

I don't understand this completely yet. Perhaps I never will. But as I feel life move around in my own womb, I am humbled that God has given me a chance to try to understand.

I know I won't be a perfect mother. I'm terrified of having someone I love so much, someone I'm entrusted to take care of, learn all my mistakes and shortcomings. In fact, I felt very similarly right before my marriage. But I consider how empowering it has been for me to realize that my husband knows everything about me and still chooses to love me, and hopefully my child will too.

Something that I know is that I will love this child. No matter what he does, or chooses to be, I will love him. I have seen how much a child can hurt a mother with his or her choices. But I have also seen examples of amazing mothers that continue to love their children even after their hearts have been broken by them.

Thus God continues to love us, with long suffering and with patience. Thus He gives us forgiveness again and again and again. Because we are His. We might break his heart through our choices, we might cause Him pain and anguish through the decisions we make, but because we are His, the power of love will keep Him waiting and loving and forgiving us as long as He is able. He loves us the same whether we succeed or fail.

What a wonderful lesson. What an amazing blessing.

Merry Christmas from my growing family to you and yours,

Audrey

My Testimony to the World

Almost every Sunday, the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gather together in a chapel to partake of the bread and water (which we call in the Sacrament) in honor of  Jesus Christ and to remember the sacrifice that He has made for us individually. After this ordinance of the Sacrament, we have a meeting in which talks or sermons are given, focused on the teachings of the scriptures, the principles of the Gospel (faith, repentance, baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, enduring to the end), and on Jesus Christ Himself and his ultimate sacrifice and resurrection.

Every month, one of these services in dedicated to something that we call "Testimony Meeting".  It is a special service, in which any member of the congregation is invited to stand before their fellow members and share what they believe-- share their tender, spiritual moments that they have had within the last month, share the trials and tribulations that they are experiencing or they have been carried through by our Savior the past month, share what they believe to be true within the gospel of Jesus Christ-- this is what we refer to as a "testimony". Many times my prayers have been answered by what someone has said during this monthly meeting. Many times I have felt the Spirit of God with me as I have recognized truth myself through others' words. Many times I receive strength when I am feeling weak in the faith from others' testimonies. I learn, I listen, I love.

I have recently felt the desire to share my testimony with the world, not just with my congregation. No matter your faith or religious beliefs, I think it can be beneficial for us to share our thoughts and opinions about God, about our own beliefs, about how to cope within the world that is turning so vile and wicked at times. I want to use this blog each month as a catalyst in order to share my testimony with my friends, family, and others who come across it. I hope my words serve as a beacon to those who need more faith and hope, or that I can be heard in my times of need by those who can help and support me. Sharing my testimony will be vulnerable, it will be new, but I feel it's the right thing to do. I won't have a set topic every month, but if there is something that you would like to hear about from me such as "Audrey, I would like to hear your testimony on what happens after we die." or "Audrey, I would like to hear your beliefs and thoughts of the concept of marriage being between a man and a woman." PLEASE leave a comment below or email/text me and I PROMISE YOU I will reply either personally or write a blog post, however you would like. I want to be open with the world!

Here is my testimony for the month of November 2019:
This morning, before we took the sacrament, one of our church leaders asked us to reflect on the sacredness of the Sacrament. As we sang the sacrament hymn in preparation, I pondered on the fact that Jesus sacrificed Himself, or "gave himself for us, that the might redeem us from all iniquity" (Titus 2:14 KJV) as my husband and I had studied in the Bible the night before.

As I pondered, I realized that to me, the Sacrament represents repentance in the flesh and forgiveness of sins (along with many other representation but this is the one that is coming to mind now.) I am so humbled and grateful that repentance is even an option for me.

I reflected on past sins and mistakes that I have made in my life, even the most severe, and realized how clean I feel from those sins and how different of a person I am today because I repented of those sins. This is because of my Savior Jesus Christ.

I reflected on my lack of need to judge others. I thought about people that had hurt me in the past, people that had betrayed my trust, and felt nothing but love and forgiveness for those people, and a sincere hope for their well-being. This is because of Jesus Christ.

Deep gratitude lives within me for this absolute miracle that is true forgiveness and purification of my sins. What a miracle! What an incredible blessing.

In the prayer that is said each week before the broken bread is offered to the congregation, I hear the words,

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember Him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen."

The prayer that is said before the blessed water is given is very similar.

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this water to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them, that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember Him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.

The reason I share that is because I want you to see why I  love  the ordinance of the sacrament. It is a reminder of Christ's sacrifice for me and within that, a reminder of HIS LOVE for me and for each one of us. He wouldn't have suffered in the garden and on the cross if He didn't love us. As we partake of the bread and the water, we covenant to always remember Him and think of all that He has done for us---- because He loves us! And how I love Him!

I am grateful for a God that wipes away my sins. I am grateful for the feeling of being clean, of being forgiven. I am grateful for that love and gift of forgiveness being given to me as I go through life and experience people who are also going through their own mortal journeys, making mistakes. Life isn't perfect. It isn't easy. But oh how blessed am I to each week have something that helps me remember that I have a second chance (again and again and again) and that I have a Savior in Jesus Christ who absolutely loves me.

I am so thankful for this knowledge. I can't keep it to myself! I know God lives. I know we can be truly forgiven of our sins and feel the guilt and pain and emptiness wash away.

What a beautiful chance at life I have been given.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.