New Beginnings

The several past years, my New Year's resolutions were ambitious. I had several categories (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) and several goals within each category. If I'm being completely honest, quite often those goals were forgotten by April and certainly not reached in December. I wanted to be better than I was, which is why I had such lofty ambitions, but this year as I sat down to set my goals I realized that such ambitions were not helping me get anywhere if I wasn't achieving them. I started to feel frustrated. How could I have failed year after year?

And then came the sweetest feeling of all. "Be gentle with yourself."

Under further reflection, I realized that although I didn't reach those very specific goals I had set for myself to grow, I had grown in other ways. I had bettered myself, I had served others, I had tried my best. And that seemed to matter most.

So what are my goals this year? Well, that's an easy one.

1. Have a healthy baby.

2. Continue to work on our healthy marriage.

3. Be healthy (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually)

and most of all, be gentle with myself.

Happy 2020 and here's to a gentle year of progression.

For unto us a Son is given

I have never liked Christmas before now. It wasn't like I was Scrooge or the Grinch, wandering around hating Christmas. But I didn't enjoy the holiday as others seemed to or list it as one of my favorites. Perhaps this was because growing up with divorced parents, you rotate visitation on the Christmas holiday and traditions change. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge fan of the snow. Whatever it was, it didn't seem like Christmas was for me.

This year things are different, and I think that's because I'm finally recognizing the traditions that matter most to me and my family. More than that, I'm able to truly understand the miracle of the sweet baby boy Jesus, because I am preparing to have a sweet baby boy of my own.

I am now in my seventh month of pregnancy, the third trimester. We've kept it a fun secret until now but it's getting harder and harder to hide as our little boy grows. Jimmy and I wanted this baby with all of our hearts, and we are so excited and nervous and thankful and emotional about his upcoming arrival. We feel very blessed as we had tried for months to become pregnant and have had some pregnancy scares throughout this time. We feel God is with us and that He knows and loves us and our baby boy.

I now love the scripture more than ever, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." While my child will not hold the responsibility or majesty that my sweet Savior did, I contemplate Mary's sacrifice to bring Him into the world with more seriousness. I view Him coming into the world as a child as divine.

Have you seen the Christ Child video yet? If not, (or if so!) I invite you to watch it and experience the miracle and the gratitude and the emotions of the Reason for the Season. How I love that I have Jesus Christ as my Savior and Brother. And what an innocent, sweet, way to enter this world, as one of us.

The fact that I am having a baby boy has shaped and changed the way I view this gospel and my relationship with God, our Heavenly Father. For example: today during the Sacrament, I contemplated forgiveness and long suffering. How can the Lord be merciful enough to constantly forgive me of sins and be patient as I continue to learn, all the while still loving me?

The answer came softly and surely: because you are mine. 

I don't understand this completely yet. Perhaps I never will. But as I feel life move around in my own womb, I am humbled that God has given me a chance to try to understand.

I know I won't be a perfect mother. I'm terrified of having someone I love so much, someone I'm entrusted to take care of, learn all my mistakes and shortcomings. In fact, I felt very similarly right before my marriage. But I consider how empowering it has been for me to realize that my husband knows everything about me and still chooses to love me, and hopefully my child will too.

Something that I know is that I will love this child. No matter what he does, or chooses to be, I will love him. I have seen how much a child can hurt a mother with his or her choices. But I have also seen examples of amazing mothers that continue to love their children even after their hearts have been broken by them.

Thus God continues to love us, with long suffering and with patience. Thus He gives us forgiveness again and again and again. Because we are His. We might break his heart through our choices, we might cause Him pain and anguish through the decisions we make, but because we are His, the power of love will keep Him waiting and loving and forgiving us as long as He is able. He loves us the same whether we succeed or fail.

What a wonderful lesson. What an amazing blessing.

Merry Christmas from my growing family to you and yours,

Audrey

My Testimony to the World

Almost every Sunday, the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gather together in a chapel to partake of the bread and water (which we call in the Sacrament) in honor of  Jesus Christ and to remember the sacrifice that He has made for us individually. After this ordinance of the Sacrament, we have a meeting in which talks or sermons are given, focused on the teachings of the scriptures, the principles of the Gospel (faith, repentance, baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, enduring to the end), and on Jesus Christ Himself and his ultimate sacrifice and resurrection.

Every month, one of these services in dedicated to something that we call "Testimony Meeting".  It is a special service, in which any member of the congregation is invited to stand before their fellow members and share what they believe-- share their tender, spiritual moments that they have had within the last month, share the trials and tribulations that they are experiencing or they have been carried through by our Savior the past month, share what they believe to be true within the gospel of Jesus Christ-- this is what we refer to as a "testimony". Many times my prayers have been answered by what someone has said during this monthly meeting. Many times I have felt the Spirit of God with me as I have recognized truth myself through others' words. Many times I receive strength when I am feeling weak in the faith from others' testimonies. I learn, I listen, I love.

I have recently felt the desire to share my testimony with the world, not just with my congregation. No matter your faith or religious beliefs, I think it can be beneficial for us to share our thoughts and opinions about God, about our own beliefs, about how to cope within the world that is turning so vile and wicked at times. I want to use this blog each month as a catalyst in order to share my testimony with my friends, family, and others who come across it. I hope my words serve as a beacon to those who need more faith and hope, or that I can be heard in my times of need by those who can help and support me. Sharing my testimony will be vulnerable, it will be new, but I feel it's the right thing to do. I won't have a set topic every month, but if there is something that you would like to hear about from me such as "Audrey, I would like to hear your testimony on what happens after we die." or "Audrey, I would like to hear your beliefs and thoughts of the concept of marriage being between a man and a woman." PLEASE leave a comment below or email/text me and I PROMISE YOU I will reply either personally or write a blog post, however you would like. I want to be open with the world!

Here is my testimony for the month of November 2019:
This morning, before we took the sacrament, one of our church leaders asked us to reflect on the sacredness of the Sacrament. As we sang the sacrament hymn in preparation, I pondered on the fact that Jesus sacrificed Himself, or "gave himself for us, that the might redeem us from all iniquity" (Titus 2:14 KJV) as my husband and I had studied in the Bible the night before.

As I pondered, I realized that to me, the Sacrament represents repentance in the flesh and forgiveness of sins (along with many other representation but this is the one that is coming to mind now.) I am so humbled and grateful that repentance is even an option for me.

I reflected on past sins and mistakes that I have made in my life, even the most severe, and realized how clean I feel from those sins and how different of a person I am today because I repented of those sins. This is because of my Savior Jesus Christ.

I reflected on my lack of need to judge others. I thought about people that had hurt me in the past, people that had betrayed my trust, and felt nothing but love and forgiveness for those people, and a sincere hope for their well-being. This is because of Jesus Christ.

Deep gratitude lives within me for this absolute miracle that is true forgiveness and purification of my sins. What a miracle! What an incredible blessing.

In the prayer that is said each week before the broken bread is offered to the congregation, I hear the words,

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember Him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen."

The prayer that is said before the blessed water is given is very similar.

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this water to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them, that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember Him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.

The reason I share that is because I want you to see why I  love  the ordinance of the sacrament. It is a reminder of Christ's sacrifice for me and within that, a reminder of HIS LOVE for me and for each one of us. He wouldn't have suffered in the garden and on the cross if He didn't love us. As we partake of the bread and the water, we covenant to always remember Him and think of all that He has done for us---- because He loves us! And how I love Him!

I am grateful for a God that wipes away my sins. I am grateful for the feeling of being clean, of being forgiven. I am grateful for that love and gift of forgiveness being given to me as I go through life and experience people who are also going through their own mortal journeys, making mistakes. Life isn't perfect. It isn't easy. But oh how blessed am I to each week have something that helps me remember that I have a second chance (again and again and again) and that I have a Savior in Jesus Christ who absolutely loves me.

I am so thankful for this knowledge. I can't keep it to myself! I know God lives. I know we can be truly forgiven of our sins and feel the guilt and pain and emptiness wash away.

What a beautiful chance at life I have been given.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I am not a Mormon

Before I begin, let me just say that I know it has been ages since I wrote a blog entry. I have wanted to, from time to time, and kept putting it off. But now, I wanted to write a post and knew that I could no longer put off the inevitable.

I'll update you quickly on my life. Since I last wrote, I met the love of my life, graduated from BYU in Spanish and Nonprofit Management, was hired as International Office Manager for Interweave Solutions (an international nonprofit) and then married my Jimmy. We have been married for two months, and while it's nothing close to perfect, we love each other very much.

My life is good, to say the least.
But there is one thing that I do want to talk about in the post, and that is the fact that I am not a Mormon.

I am not a Mormon. 
I don't want to be called a Mormon, though I am not offended if you choose to do so.
I am not a Mormon, no, but I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Lots of you are probably thinking, well that's stupid. It's just a nickname. Who cares?
And I guess my answer is, I do. I care.

I don't think that I've had many people call me a "Mormon" to insult me, though that has happened on occasion. But what I do think is that for my whole entire life, not very many people (including my friends of a Christian faith) knew that I was (or thought of me as) a Christian myself. That I believe in Christ. That I read the Bible and believe it to be the word of God. And, I'll admit, I could have clarified things much better to the world. But my identity always has been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was baptized and confirmed into the Church, served a mission for the Church, all under Christ's name and commission.

Now, I called myself a Mormon for a long time. It was easy. I didn't think much of it. It was a common nickname, even used by the church itself. The nickname came because, in the Church of Jesus Christ, we believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, in addition to the Bible. It was written by ancient prophets of the Americas and translated by Joseph Smith. It testifies of God and of repentance and faith in His name. I know that Book to be the Word of God. But, concerning taking the nickname "Mormon" upon ourselves, our living prophet has recently asked us to refrain from settling with the nickname and instead reiterate the true name of the Church, even the name of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I believe in living prophets. I believe that in the time of the Bible, they lived and testified and prophesied of Christ. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob (Israel), Joseph, Isaiah, Peter, Paul. They lived their lives for the Savior. And as imperfect, holy men, they spoke as mouthpieces for the word of God.

Amos 3:7 "Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets."

I believe that there are still prophets who lead and guide us as God's people today. I believe our current prophet (not just for the Church, but God's mouthpiece to the world) to be President Russel M. Nelson.

Our prophet asked us to refrain from accepting the nickname "Mormon" or settling with it because he was commanded by the Lord to do so. I believe that Jesus Christ stands at the head of the Church that bears his name. And I don't want people to forget that.



I am not a Mormon.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ.
I made a covenant at my baptism to take His name upon me.
I love Him.

In the Book of Mormon, Christ says to his prophet Alma, "Yea, blessed is this people who are willing to bear my name; for in my name shall they be called; and they are mine." (Mosiah 26:18)

President Russel M Nelson said of the issue, "It is not a name change. It is not rebranding. It is not cosmetic. It is not a whim. And it is not inconsequential. Instead, it is a correction. It is a command of the Lord."

Again in the Book of Mormon, when Jesus Christ appeared in the Americas, he counseled the people there, saying "Therefore, whatsoever ye shall do, ye shall do it in my name; therefore ye shall call the church in my name.... and how be it my church save it be called in my name? For if a church be called in Moses' name then it be Moses' church; or if it be called in the name of a man than it be the church of a man; but if it be called in my name then it is my church, if it so be that they are built upon my gospel." (3 Nephi 27:7-8).

I don't want people to call me "Mormon" anymore, because I do not belong to the Church of Mormon. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So if you are going to call me something, or refer to me as something, I would be more than happy to be called a Christian.

I want to make it clear both to God and my fellow family and friends who I am and to what Church I belong to. If you have a different faith, please know that I do not think any less of you. If you have no faith, I don't think less of you either. But I know my faith, and I know what I believe, and I want to make that clear.

It's not easy. I am not sure and set in every single council and belief that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has. But I am a believer in what I have been taught and I seek the counsel of God and church leaders when something comes up that I do not quite understand, or that I don't agree with. I am not a blind follower. I have been giving an open door to leave. I have doubted at times. But I will not leave. Because I have seen too many miracles, felt the Spirit testify to my heart, and I know the Book of Mormon to be true. Those things keep me grounded.

Every week at Church, I am taught of Christ. I am counseled to seek a personal relationship with Christ, which I have chosen to do. He knows I am not perfect. But I love Him, and I take His name upon me.

So, in conclusion, I am not a Mormon. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And yes, it's a mouthful, but it's accurate.

I am proud to take upon me Christ's name.

God's Plan of Salvation and Happiness (according to Aud)

I believe we lived before we came to this earth. I was still Aud, just without a body. You were still you, but without your body. And we spent time with God and learned and loved and grew. And then one day, He came to us with a plan. And said there was something called Earth and that we would use all we had been learning about and apply it on this Earth He had prepared for us. But it was kind of like a test (ok very much a test), cause we wouldn't be able to remember what happened before this life. Kinda sounds like a really cool story right? Except it's not just a cool story. It's true.

He knew we would make mistakes- in fact, He knew these mistakes would help us if we learned from them (and from the mistakes of those around us). Here's the thing though. He can't tolerate even the least amount of sin ('cause He's GOD aka the MOST Perfect Holy Man) and so we were going to have to try to find a way back to Him, clean, even though we weren't clean because we had messed up but learned from it. So that's when our Savior stepped in. He said, with all the unfathomable love one being could offer, I'll help. I'll live a sinless life, and then as part God and part man, I will master my godly powers and perform an infinite Atonement of suffering so that man can be purified from sin, and live again. And to be honest, I'm sure that at first we were like WHAT for real??? And then we realized how amazingly grateful we were for this Incredible Being who would be so unselfish as to sacrifice His life for us, and then take it up again, so that we could live again too.

I also believe that God didn't just send us down here and leave us high and dry. He pre-ordained (pre-chose I guess) men to be prophets, mouthpieces for Him on the earth. Through these prophets we have received scripture, like the Bible and the Book of Mormon, that give us hints of who we are to God (His children), why we are here, how to make it through this life, how to repent, and what is to come.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that after this life comes a state of peace for those who have been baptized under God's authority and LIVED well. This could be called spirit paradise. And there is another state of unrest for those who haven't been baptized under God's authority and lived not so good lives. Because God knows what He is doing better than we can, there are ways that you can go from the state of unrest to the state of peace. I also believe and am sure that if you got baptized under the authority of God, but lived a shizzy life, God isn't going to be like, Oh my gosh you got baptized under my proper authority CONGRATS welcome to paradise!!! Rather He will say, didn't you have an even better idea of what a good life should look like with what you were taught and you still ignored my counsel??? And that doesn't sound like paradise or rest to me.

SIDE NOTE: I'm kind of cruising through this whole amazing Plan of God, so if you want to know more either email me at audburton@gmail.com or go to mormon.org and chat with the people there cause they probably know a heck a lot more than I do.

This state of rest or unrest is kind of like a waiting room until the Big Day. Judgment Day. When Christ comes again, and HE WILL, that will be the day when the Resurrection begins. And all of us, bond and free, black and white, woman and man, philanthropist and adulterer will be raised up with a perfected body to see Him. And to chat with Him. And to be judged by Him.

You know, sometimes I catch myself just thinking about that day. When we see Him, and I say, "Wow, it's really Him. He's a real guy (except celestial and a God, but he's real)." That's gonna be the best day ever.

I think it's important to note that Judgment Day won't really surprise us. He is a good and awesome God, so I believe that if you really do try your best to seek Him and to do what He asks and to emulate His example, He's not gonna be like, "Well Audrey, at sixteen years old you forgot to repent of that one time that you swore on the soccer field..." and I'll be like, "SHOOT! there goes my chances" and Jesus just shrugs like, too bad, Aud. Better luck... never?

No way José. That's the beauty of THIS LIFE. Here is where we prepare to meet God. So LITERALLY your everyday choices are determining where you are going to go after this life. Now, please don't misunderstand me. I am in no way, shape or form saying that we save ourselves. NO WAY. Without our Heavenly Father, and his Son Jesus, we wouldn't be able to have any of this. None of this would be possible. Without them we are nothing. But they are also watching us in this life to make sure that we are making good choices and being decent people because they want to bless us during and after this life and I believe, even give us some of their power. **Mic drop**

Just kidding about the mic drop thing, but wouldn't it make sense for God to give us, as His children, part of His inheritance? Doesn't it say in the Bible that we are co-heirs with Christ? And don't you think God would only entrust His greatest blessings and power to His most faithful children? I do. That's why our choices matter. And that's why we are judged.

After judgement, in the LDS church we believe that we go to one of three kingdoms. The lowest one- which is for murderers and other rotten people, is called the Telestial Kingdom. You don't wanna go here. The second kingdom- middle kingdom- is called the Terrestrial Kingdom. It's where people go who lived correct and honest lives, who were good people, but who didn't want to accept Christ as their Savior, or who didn't really choose to believe. They weren't baptized with authority, because they didn't want to be (God's gonna give His kids a lot of chances, if you wanna know more hmu). They live happy and good lives here, but don't really truly reach their full potential.

The highest kingdom is the Celestial Kingdom. It's the place to be. It's for people that worked their butt off to be there. It's for people that lived good and honest lives, repented of their mistakes, served other people, kept the commandments, and chose Christ as their Savior. It's where they get to be with Him and our Father forever.

I recently taught this concept of the Plan of Salvation to a boy that attends BYU, but isn't a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After finally grasping the concept of the veil (why couldn't we just remember everything before?? Dude, same question, but it is how it is and I can't WAIT 'til the day I remember), he asked me a lot of really good questions about the plan like, won't everyone just believe in Christ when He comes again (aka why the Terrestrial Kingdom), and why are there Muslims and Buddhists and Jews then if God wanted everyone to get back home to Him? Maybe you have had these same questions. Here's what I think (not doctrine, just my personal opinion).

This boy that I spoke with is on the football team at BYU. I told him to think about his teammates. Now, his teammates know that in order to play football for BYU, you have to attend class, you have to keep the Honor Code, you have to keep your grades up, etc. And yet, some of them still don't obey these rules. It's not cause they don't think they are "real" rules,  because they've watched their buddies be suspended for games for breaking them. I asked my student then why he believed his friends would choose to disobey their coach's wishes. He replied, "Probably 'cause they think it's too hard." And I agree.

See, I think that when He comes again, everyone is gonna look down at their resurrected body and be like, wow. Guess it was real, after all. And every knee is gonna bow before God and they will recognize Him as the source of their miraculous ability to live again. But some people won't want to accept the responsibility that comes with the Celestial Kingdom. They won't want to do all that would be required of them, and they don't want to fail so they aren't going to try. This doesn't mean they are bad people, it just means that they are comfortable somewhere else than the highest Kingdom of God.

And even though it seems unfathomable, I see some of that in myself as I make choices or mistakes. Sometimes it seems the easier path, the easier kingdom, would be the Terrestrial Kingdom. Straight up. We have to want to Savior, we have to choose Him, we have to love and appreciate Him, and trust in Him that through Him we can all things, hard things, every thing. Without that belief and knowledge, we won't feel comfortable in His Kingdom.

To answer the other question about why do all the other religions exist, I simply told my buddy (we were friends by this point), that God knows the end from the beginning. He is a just and fair God, He loves all His children. I personally believe that if we were all the same religion in this life, as the Mexicans say "no habrá chiste", or in English, "there would be no point". Love your neighbor, love those who are different than you, etc.? How could that happen if we were all the same? God is perfect. He loves us. He does. So he will judge people, whether they were Jews or Gentiles or Baptists or Mormons or Monks and everything will be how it should. He knows the end from the beginning. Our call is to bring as many into the fold as we can. We do that, and it's fine. We love all, and it's fine. He'll take care of the rest. He's awesome like that.

Now, this post is incredibly long, but before I peace out I have to tell you about an experience that changed my life.


Alex Avalos: we were acquaintances in middle/high school, had a couple classes together. He was nice. FB friends.
October 2013: an Apostle of Jesus Christ, Elder Ballard, told us in our world wide conference that we should pray and choose to share the gospel with at least one person by Christmas. I was pumped! I was also at BYU, where every one else and their Mom was Mormon. Chill.

So I knelt down and prayed sincerely. I told God I wanted to help Him help His children. And I heard a voice in my head say, Alejandro Avalos. I hesitated. Funny, I thought, literally don't even know that guy that well. Who else??? ... Alejandro Avalos. The voice spoke to me again. I couldn't deny it this time. But because I am literally the world's most stubborn human, I told Heavenly Father that there was no way I could reach him cause I only had his FB account. Then, what happened next will probably be the only time I am prompted by God to use FB Messenger. He always has a solution to my stubborn excuses. In probably the most awkward message possible, I bore my testimony and love for the gospel in a message to Alex and invited him to know more. I was nervous, I was excited, I was antsy. I finally got a message back and with all the hope in the world, I read it. I was shocked. He said that he had previously been a member of the Church, but now didn't want anything to do with it, thanks for asking though.

WHAT? HF you literally told me to ask him to learn more??? was my prayer that night. I was disappointed. I had tried to be a missionary! I was frustrated. I bore my testimony to Alex one last time, told him this gospel made me happier than anything else in case he changed his mind, and tried to forget about the whole thing. Months passed.

One day, I was casually sitting on my bed when I received a message from Alex. Random... I thought. And opened it. There I saw the most beautiful message I have ever laid eyes on. Long story short, Alex had thought and thought about what I said. He decided God was trying to reach out to him, talked to God, and found happiness. He sought out the nearest LDS chapel, and started turning his life around. That message changed my life. After that, he started on his path back Home. He was ordained in the priesthood, attended the temple, and while I was on my mission about a year later, I received a letter from him that he was choosing to serve a mission as well. My joy at receiving that news was pretty indescribable. You see, God had a plan for Alex. He knew him, He loved him. All I had to do was extend a simple invitation, and God helped Alex change his life and draw closer to Him. It was a miracle. Alex just got home from his mission last week. It had been three years since we had seen each other, and was the sweetest reunion. I cried all the way home because I knew that Heavenly Father had a plan for each of us in our lives.

God HAS a plan for us. He has a GREAT plan of Salvation and a personal plan. And He desires for us to be happy and to come home to Him. He has made it possible through our Savior and His merciful plan to make it back. I know that's true.

I hope when you read this you felt it too. Maybe you don't agree with me on every point, and that's OK. But I hope that maybe something sparked within you today. A hope for a better world. A confidence that He cares. A greater faith in His plan.

May we all live in a way that He's proud of. And may we all make it back to Him.


xoxo
Aud

Do you love you?

When I was 12 years old, I touched eternity. Now, if you read that and have no idea what it means, that's okay. Quite frankly, I'm not sure what it means either. It's more a feeling than anything, but let me try to put it into words for you.

My brother had been invited to sing with an all state-choir. That wasn't a surprise, seeing as my brother is one of the most musically talented individuals I have met in my life. We were all very excited to travel to a bigger town and support him in one of the things that he loved most, so one Saturday we all jumped into the car and headed off to Spokane.

The program contained many performances, and I was ecstatic to see that a symphony was assigned to play with the choir. I will never forget one particular performance. Although I am sad to say I have forgotten the very song they were playing, when the choir joined in a heavenly chorus with the magnificent symphony, I closed my eyes. For a moment, a very brief moment, I touched eternity.

It was right there. Waiting to envelop me in the immense peace and love that seemed so familiar to me. I felt my soul come alive, and for that moment I was neither here nor there, I just was. How do I explain it? Nothing has ever been so beautiful to me. Maybe it made me remember the life that I had before with God, maybe it made me experience a little bit of heaven, maybe it solidified my being here on the earth, but whatever happened: that moment was eternal.

I may sound crazy. I know that I can't explain myself more, and I am sorry for that, but I hope you all feel it one day. Whether it be while listening to classical music, reflecting on our Savior, or hiking among nature, maybe one day you will feel it too. Maybe you already have. It is an experience of a lifetime, of an eternity.

While no other event or moment has had the power and magnitude that the concert had on me, I have had glimpses of eternal moments since that occasion. I had one just recently, as I was talking to a friend.

We were conversing about something that I believe is one of the most important concepts of our existence: self-love. We began to talk about why we should love ourselves and how to do so when all the sudden, I felt it. I expressed to this friend that I truly believed one of the reasons that we were here on the earth is to learn to love ourselves. As soon as I said that, I felt it again. Eternity was with us in that moment, and I knew it. I felt the peace and the love envelop me, and I knew what I was saying was true.

Since that sacred moment, I have been wanting to write a blog post about self-love. I do it today, cautiously, knowing that it can be a sensitive subject.

I ask you this question: Do you love yourself? Do you truly, deeply, love yourself? Has that love changed you?

I can answer and tell you that I do not yet love myself completely. There are too many faults, too many weaknesses. Too many "should of's", too many flaws. We live in a world of negativity, and most of the time, even when we love others around us in a very real way, we are denying ourselves the very love that we give to others.

Do you love yourself? I'm not talking about if you have good hair days, if you love the people in your life, or if you love God. While those things are important, I'm talking about real self-love.

Do you love yourself? When you make a mistake, are you patient with yourself? Do you understand why others love you? Do you feed yourself positive thoughts and encouragement? What about when others compliment you? Do you accept it, agreeing with them? Or do you brush it aside?

How many times a day do you think of all the things you do wrong? How hard on you on yourself?

All of us do it. Maybe someone in your past has influenced you to be this way. They were hard on you, and thus you feel like you have to continue to do so yourself.

With all due respect to all the people you love in your life, let me say that YOU be the one to break the chain: to find happiness and love yourself is to truly live.

So how do we do it? How do we go from where we are now to truly loving ourselves?
Easier said than done, but we STOP the negativity.

When that bad thought about yourself comes into your mind, stop it. It has no place there. Tell it to go away. Tell it to leave. We must recognize the source from which all bad thoughts come. Satan desires that we be miserable like himself, and if you look around, he seems to be succeeding. We musn't let him.

Change the thought to be something positive.
For example:
"I will be a horrible mother" can turn into, "I will be a great mother, and I'm grateful for learning experiences on the way"
"I am not good enough" can turn into, "I am so thankful for the chance I have every day to better myself"
"I can't do this" can turn into, "I can't do this, alone."
"I am ugly", can turn into, "Last week, someone complimented my smile"
and "I am fat" can turn into a motivator, "What can I do to feel better about myself?"

I am not suggesting we live fake lives of happiness, either. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with negative thoughts, I let them all out. I take a drive and say all the negative things that I am thinking. It feels awful! But when I am done, I tell myself that I love me no matter what, and I make a promise to try to do things better. Then I tell Heavenly Father that I'm on His side, as always.

BE PATIENT with yourself. Learn to love yourself. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you. Pay attention to the positive in your life. Keep track of the compliments, not the mistakes. Learn from your experiences.

Weaknesses are also different than sins. Find ways to laugh at yourself, don't take yourself too seriously.
Remember that God knows everything about you, and loves you completely. He desires you love yourself as well.

It will take time, it will take courage, it will take training; it is one of the reasons for our very existence.
Find yourself, find Him, love Him, and love YOU.

If you don't love yourself, Remember this. HE LOVES YOU. Completely. Perfectly. Purely.
He gave everything for you. He continues to love you. He is there for you.


I pray we all have the courage to do so, and I'm here for you as you start your journey of self-love.
Let's try a little harder to be a little better, and search for more moments of eternity.

Who is Jesus Christ?

The last time I wrote was right before the semester started. Now that it's almost over, (we are in the midst of finals week), I am happy to report that it was one of the best semesters yet. I became a better me because of who I chose to surround myself with. The bishopbric (our local church leaders) were a special Godsend to me, literally being the family away from home that I needed to support me and to keep me going. I started working out regularly, which helped me not only physically but also emotionally. My health has improved because the doctors were guided to find out what was wrong with me: I have a lot of food allergies, it turns out! Taking those foods out of my diet has helped me feel a million times better. I go to bed almost every weeknight at 10:30 so that I am well rested, (a big key to my happiness). My classes were engaging and hard, I met some amazing people and had some stellar professors. I have a great job as a kindergarten teacher that is teaching me so much: I am humbled every day by the sweet love that the kids show me. I continue to visit the retirement home every Sunday, where Rosemary is always faithfully waiting to have a good chat together. My life is so good, and I try not to complain (try being the keyword there). My family is doing great, I'm striving to live my life the way it should, and though every thing is not perfect: every day I experience joy.

As I think about all my many blessings, I can accredit them to one thing: Christ. I have chosen to center my life around Him, and it is something that I will never regret. I'm not perfect, but I strive to put Him at the center of my life by waking up early every morning to study the scriptures, by being more sincere and honest with Him in my prayers, by looking for ways to serve and by counting my blessings. Sometimes when I have nothing to think about, I think about Him. I ask myself questions like, "Do I really believe?" and "How can I be more like Him today?" and that encourages me to do my very best.

The question that I have been asking myself lately over and over again is, "Who is Jesus Christ to me?". As I sat in our church Christmas Program today, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love for my Savior. I have since been thinking about Him all day today, so I decided to write this.

Who is Jesus Christ to me? It's the question that echoes in my head time and time again. I ponder it and reflect over it: what does He mean to me? What does what He did mean in my own life?

Jesus Christ is someone who has been there for me every step of the way. Jesus Christ is someone who has NEVER given up on me. He is someone who completely understands me, who listens to me, who fights for me.

What would I do without Him? I would be completely lost. I wouldn't have a motivational purpose. I wouldn't have hope for a happy marriage and an eternal family. I would not know what the sweet taste of forgiveness is like. I wouldn't have a hope of victory over the grave. I wouldn't have the courage to try again, the ideal of becoming someone better. Without Jesus Christ, I would have given up a long time ago.

Who is Jesus Christ? He is my example. He is my friend. I want to do what He did, I want to love fearlessly and completely as He does, I want to please to Father as He did with the way that I conduct myself here on the earth.

Without Him, I wouldn't know who I want to be. I need to stop comparing and complaining, for that is not what He would do.

Christ is someone that expects the best out of me, someone who desires my eternal happiness and who has done everything in His power to get me there. He is the hand that I hold, the smile I give, the joy in my life.

He is my light, my life, and my salvation. I never understood those scriptures so clearly until now because now I understand Him and His purpose a little more. He is a living part of me. I think about Him, and He becomes more real to me. I am more convinced every day that this message is true and this gospel is His.

He will return one day, and when He does, I want to know Him. I want Him to say, "hello there, friend" and embrace me in a way that no one else could.

I love Him, and what a perfect month to celebrate Him and contemplate all that He has done for me. I know He lives today, and I am so grateful for that.

Who is Jesus Christ? He is my life. He is my Savior. He is mine.